I wish I could love you back to life . Xxxx

You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once. You don’t just lose someone once. You lose them when you close your eyes at night. And as you open them each morning. You lose them throughout the day. An unused coffee cup. An empty chair. A pair of boots no longer there. You lose them as the sun sets. And darkness closes in. You lose them as you wonder why. Staring at a star lit sky. You lose them on the big days. Anniversaries. Birthdays. Graduations. Holidays. Weddings. And the regular days too. You lose them in a song they used to sing. The scent of their cologne. A slice of their favorite pie. You lose them in conversations you will never have. And all the words unsaid. You lose them in all the places they’ve been. And all the places they longed to go. You lose them in what could have been. And all the dreams you shared. You lose them as the seasons change. The snow blows. The flowers blossom. The grass grows. The leaves fall. You lose them again and again. Day after day. Month after month. Year after year. You lose them as you pick up the broken pieces. And begin your life anew. You lose them when you realize. This is your new reality. They are never coming back. No matter how much You miss them or Need them. No matter how hard you pray. They are gone. And you must go on. Alone. Time marches on, carrying them further and further way. You lose them as your hair whitens and your body bends with age. Your memory fades. And the details begin to blur. Their face stares back at you from a faded photograph. Someone you used to know. You think you might have loved them once. A long time ago. Back then. When you were whole. You don’t just lose someone once. You lose them every day. Over and over again. For the rest of your life.

It’s funny, grief, isn’t it? How you die with them. Whoever you were before has gone. Your ghost walks the earth. You look the same, sound the same, but are not the same. You don’t breathe oxygen the way you did before. You negotiate life under an ocean. Drowning as you do your shopping, drowning as you ride the bus, drowning as you go to work. You can’t live with this, you think. No one could live with this. It’s unliveable. Then there are moments when your head rises above the water. You find something funny, laugh. A glimpse of your previous self. Until you are submerged once again. I miss you so my marmee . Xxxxx